i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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