Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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