Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Two words: blizzard sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
