he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Actions speak louder than pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
