Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my poor anus
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
