I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
