So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
