I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
