On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
