Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
