Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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