I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
