I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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