The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
