You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
