He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
