I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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