People in love make me want to vomit
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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