she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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