Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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