it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
