these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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