If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
