I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
