Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's blow job season.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
