Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
