omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
farters have to be the big spoon...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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