Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
