and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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