if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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