great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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