if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
