We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
