I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
