I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
