Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
