I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
