I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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