i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
