New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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