And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
