I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
