White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
