i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
