You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
