Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
