yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
