sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Send help, water and tortillas.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
