Just took my morning after pill in the library
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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