Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
