it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
