Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
